| 6/12/2008 |
| I'll Tumbl for Ya
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| Oh, Snapple. I went and changed my website.
You will no longer be able to find anymore hilarious and witty subject titles on this website. You will, from now on, have to tune your interweb dials to http://klocksien.tumblr.com. And if you happen to be on Tumblr, go ahead and follow me. Or you know, don't. But seriously, please do.
Update your bookmarks and adjust your lives accordingly. Labels: peace out |
posted by Jake K @ 7:55 PM   |
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| 6/08/2008 |
| NYC Ramblings
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- I had my first celebrity spotting in New York! I’ve seen Larry David 162 times and counting!
- Not having internet makes me feel very sheltered. It reminds me of back in the day when you weren’t connected to the internet constantly, and so you made lists of things you wanted to get done when you did get the chance to roam so as to be productive with your time on the interweb before your sister made you get off so she could play Sims.
- A man is staying across the hall from me at this YMCA. Wait, it gets better. He’s blind. And not like is-able-to-see-shadows-and-outlines-of-things blind, but like bumps-into-walls blind. Why someone would bother coming to NYC when they couldn’t see is beyond me. (The smell?) A lot of other things about that whole thing are beyond me. Like how he hasn’t gotten hit by a car yet.
- Being in New York has really opened my eyes to the different sorts of sandwiches available to mankind. Coming from my college town in which there are roughly three different places to get sandwiches, this city fucking baffles my brain off. With the exception of breakfast, I have eaten sandwiches for all but one meal since June 1st. Yesterday I had a sandwich with ham and apples on it!
- Yesterday I saw the hugest rat I’ve ever seen in my life, replacing the previous (and only) rat I’ve seen in my life. Thing was like a fucking squirrel.
- I forgot how hot it gets on the east coast. All these years, I just thought David Letterman was exaggerating in his monologue.
- Oh yeah, I did an interview with Doug Benson of television/comedy/film/stoner fame.
Labels: ramblings |
| posted by Jake K @ 2:34 PM |
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| 6/03/2008 |
| Just Got a Place in New York
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| Success! I got into Manhattan a couple of days ago still, much to my surprise, still in possession of all of my luggage!
The first day I wanted to Kurt Cobain myself after dealing with the subway system and directions in general, but the next day I started at CH which assisted in not making me go crazy.
Walking into an office that you have only seen in videos and pictures for the last few years is sort of weird. I imagine it is sort of like walking onto the set of Full House but with older people and fewer dogs named Comet.
Below is my room. I'm not sure if the TV works or not yet. But CHECK OUT THE GOLD, SATIN CURTAINS!
Also... as I type this, I am sitting in a Starbucks while I pay for internet (oxymoron?). I've noticed that men and women do not care which bathroom they use. Men just go into the women's bathroom. That's weird to me.
Lots of people say that New Yorkers are rude and I wasn't sure what to expect. But I've only gotten yelled at by one cab driver, one deli owner, and honked at once so I think I'm doing okay.
Also... walking around in Central Park listening to the Taxi Driver soundtrack is somewhat creepy. Especially when you start furiously trying to hunt down Jodie Foster.
My goals for this summer are as follows (in order): - Not get pushed off of a subway platform (I really didn't think much of the issue until I noticed Emily's irrational fear)
- Find a specific filming location where they made 25th Hour or any cool movie, really.
- Deal heroin and then regret getting caught (only makes sense if you clicked above link).
- Quit explaining jokes.
- Not get stabbed.
Labels: NYC |
| posted by Jake K @ 1:17 PM |
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| 5/30/2008 |
| Bye, Minnesota!
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On Sunday afternoon, I'm flying to New York City for the summer. I'll be an editorial intern for CollegeHumor. My housing plans consist of a YMCA and a converted brothel.
Oh, did I mention that except for Florida I've never been east of Chicago? Everything I know about New York I have learned from Spike Lee and Martin Scorsese movies.
This should be interesting. Stay tuned. Labels: Shameless Self Promotion |
| posted by Jake K @ 3:09 PM |
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| 5/28/2008 |
| Oh, Technology
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| I got a new phone today. My previous phone was old. How old was it, you ask? It had an antenna!
Along with getting roped in for two more years by Sprint, I got a phone that talks to me. That's right, my fucking phone fucking talks to me!
Whenever someone sends me a message, it says "you have a new message from ____." And it doesn't just pronounce simple names like "Bill" or "Jane" either; it even correctly alerts me that my girlfriend, "the shiksa" has messaged me! |
| posted by Jake K @ 10:08 PM |
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| 5/20/2008 |
| Moving Sale!
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Hey guys! So I have to be out of my current house in like a week and I'm trying to get rid of some stuff! Just e-mail me if you want to take some of these things off of my hands!
 Grill-condition: like new!! -easily converts into a fire pit! -rusted!
 Sombrero-sold as is, no refunds. -smells a bit like burritos, fiestas and stereotypes
 Dane Cook's "Retaliation"-hilarious jokes from a fresh, new comic! -hasn't been used in years, so you know it's perfect condition!
 Complete first season of Full House-includes bonus pilot episode where Danny Tanner is played by some other dude before Bob Saget signed on. -Crazy, I know.
 Book-a very informative book from the 1950s. -I will personally sign the inside of this to you as Rabbi Kertzer.
 2' x 2' raster-bated headshot of myself-makes a lovely living room decoration -perfect for an expensive frame job Labels: some of these things aren't even mine |
| posted by Jake K @ 3:02 PM |
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| 5/16/2008 |
| I May Be a Chauvinistic Pig....
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...but at least I am a chauvinistic pig who understands the CH demographic.
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| posted by Jake K @ 12:22 AM |
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| 5/14/2008 |
| Cause We All Just Wanna Be Big Rockstars
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| The Smoking Gun recently obtained a nine-page rider from the Foo Fighters, in which they carefully request all of their food and lodging needs for the band and crew.
They refer to bacon as "god's currency" and threaten wedgies if they receive unwashed towels. They also suggest shoplifting some Ikea furniture to ensure they get a comfy dressing room and other snarky, tongue-in-cheek remarks ("We are just another band trying to make enough money to fuel our private jet. Please help."). Awesome.
Other old rider summaries can be found here. Springsteen has a security guard for just his guitars and 50 Cent demands Cuban cigars and a bucket of KFC. Clapton needed space for his foosball table, Guns N' Roses requested Wonder Bread and Dom Perignon on ice, and J. Lo demanded Matchbox Twenty CD's.
Somewhere Chad Kroeger is curled up in the fetal position, sobbing uncontrollably. Labels: music |
| posted by Jake K @ 1:04 PM |
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Search the site:
| Intro |
Hi, I'm Jake. I attend Winona State University where I am a sociology major posing as a writer.
I am currently in New York City, interning at CollegeHumor.com. This is where I write things that make family members ashamed to be related to me.
To read about the site and FAQs, click here.
If you want to contact me, just gimme a shout. If yelling at a loud decibel fails, you can e-mail me at jakeklocksien at gmail dot com.
I also have
Facebook incase you want to check out incriminating photos of me. I barely have any though.
Maybe two, tops.
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